- In general I am a cheery and energetic person. But I am enshrouded in a cloak of iron. That cloak is the weight of greiving my son, whom I've lost to adoption.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
dreams and 'The Dream'
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Heavy Eyelids and Sweet Tired Little Eyes
"Very Friendly" ha! that doesn't begin to describe it! This kitten was purring and kneading his little feet like there'd be no tomorrow. He would rub my arms and wanted sooo badly to be petted. It seemed he could not get enough petting. In fact, he wasn't even interested in eating! It is now Wednesday and little Cutie still won't come out from under the lawn mower while I'm there. It is akward every time I pet Cutie. Morning and afternoons I go in and get on hands and knees. I lean my face to the floor and peer under the lawn mower & sure enough there is a kitten under there - Still. What a weird thing to reach under the lawn mower to pet a kitten. She's not afraid when she's in her own space, she rubs against my hand, walks all around my hand and rubs along my arm. She'll even lay across my arm or in my open hand. But she is just not intersted yet in coming out from under that lawn mower! This morning I noticed that one of the whiskers of the yellow kitten was short, like it was cut. Then as he sat in my lap, I noticed several of them look shortened. I wonder, is he soo uber full of love that he's shaved his own whiskers off by rubbing agains the lawn mower blades too hard? What a funny cute little cat. I've been calling him Tommy, because that is what my Grandmother named a stuffed yellow cat I got for her when she was sick. It may not be an creative name, but I'm pretty sure it's a boyo. The other one, I'm not sure yet. It's hard to tell with the lawn mower in the way. Tommy Tom Tom got all comfy cozy this morning when as I sat in the garage to read. He rubbed all over my arms, along my feet, crawl up in my lap. Very friendly - Very cute. After awhile I realized that he was still, and I hoped he didn't fall asleep. I would have hated waking him up, but it was definately time for me to get ready for work. So I shuffled a little and he leans his head waaaaaaay back and looked up at me. His eyes were barely open and it was the sweetest thing as he just stared at me through those sleepy eyes, sort of watching me as he was falling back to sleep. I was aware of the emotions that it evoked inside of me. I felt like this little kitten was just so precious and sweet and beautiful. Like I wanted to protect him and take care of him, and cuddle him and make him feel loved. And I wondered to myself, if that is what it would have been like had if I not lost our wee one last year? If she had joined us, is that how I would have felt looking down at her in the crook of my arm while she was falling asleep? What color would her eyes have been as she would have looked up at me through those tired and sleepy eyes while falling contently and peacefully to sleep.
sweet tired little eyes
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Candy Wrappers and Miracles at the Sign Making Party
I like this tradition, a LOT. In fact, if anyone is considering joining for a Demonstration in the future, you must, must MUST participate in the SMP. Why? What’s goes on that someone absolutely MUST be there? Well, let’s start with the obvious, since that’s a part I often overlook. We make signs, yup, signs; as in the ones to be carried during our demonstration the next day.
We all pile into one room with poster board, paint, markers, glitter, sticks, staple gun, and duct tape. At some point pizza is brought in to refresh the starving and weary. We also review the route and listen to instructions for the demonstration.
I don’t know whose idea it was, but this year there was a mini talk on what to say or not say, suggestions for breaking the ice, etc. I found this to be very helpful, because I tend to clam up around strangers and since I’m a newbie, I’m worried that I might say the wrong thing(s). A point was made during this ‘workshop’ that I’ll come back around to in another post. So, Hats OFF to the person who made this suggestion! Loved it!
During the Sign Making Party is also an opportunity to help with other tasks for either the demonstration itself, or for the booth at the convention center.
Since I like being a behind the scenes invisible helper, I didn’t mind doing tedious things that don’t get attention or accolades. I just want to help, and if folding t-shirts helps free up another person to do something else – I’ll fold t-shirts. And, why stop at folding t-shirts when you can get thousands of paper cuts from folding miniature candy wrappers? Just kidding, I don’t think I got any paper cuts, but not kidding about the mini candy wrappers. Potential for paper cuts was definitely there!
Our Graphics Genius measured the candy bars and designed awesome re-wrap covers. These incredible little re-wrap covers were in blue, red, green, and yellow.
She also threw herself into the project with printing various slogans such as; “Separate is not Equal,” “Restore our Rights,” “Why is my Birth Certificate Sealed?” and other catchy phrases.
As if designing and printing them was not enough, she had already re-wrapped 600 of these sweet little goodies BEFORE the sing making event! (I did not ask how many she ate in the process.)
It was a beautiful thing to behold that she saw the importance of keeping the colors together in their own separate zip lock bags (I’m sure it is what I would’ve done too). Shocking as it sounds, I was able to actually sit (sort of) in one place (most of the time) to help fold these. Using the glue dots was out of my league apparently. I tried one candy wrapper and ended up with several glue dots on my nails, fingers, and other hand.
While folding the Candy Wrappers, it gave me the opportunity to just observe and listen. It was the time I could look around the room and see unfolding before me the absolute best part of this event. Sure, other things are nice, making signs, eating pizza, educating each other, and taking pictures of Dan the Biker Glitter Man ...
but the most important thing,
that happens at the SMP is the bonding.
There is a great deal of irony in this, because bonding, trust, and building relationships is something that I’ve heard many adoptees express difficulty with throughout their lives.
Yet, here in one room a miracle is taking place as adoptees feel ‘safe’ to share their stories, their struggles, their victories, their pain – because they know that the person listening “gets it”. Here is that time and place where they don’t have to worry about being told how they should feel – that they should be grateful that they were separated from their original families, that they should be loyal to the parents that raised them, that they should get over their imaginary ideas of feeling abandoned, that they should …
No, this is a place and time that they can truly open up and talk honestly about what being adopted means to them. Some endured abusive homes growing up, some grew up feeling like they did not fit into their family, some grew up with all the love and care a kid could ever hope for, yet they still feel the same deep loss of their original family, as the others feel.
And as I sat there folding Candy Wrappers, I get to witness this miracle happening right before my very eyes.
There may be one or two people who are still foggy with pro-adoption rhetoric, but they are not the majority. Hopefully they’re wise enough to see what is going on around them, and that pro-adoption rhetoric surfaces pain, not healing. Hopefully they’re wise enough to learn from this event and would walk away with a different perspective, a different viewpoint and begin to question their own loyalty to a practice that produces such heinous results of lifelong pain that grips a person down to the unreachable depths and core of their being.
But there are only a few of ‘them’. It’s their loss, really to be on the outside of the circle.
On the inside there is laughter, hugs, some tears, a LOT of understanding, warmth, acceptance, openness, and I dare say … Love.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
THIS JUST IN ....
-> You have received this message as a subscriber of this list. Questions about this advertisement, or questions about advertising with us, should be directed to: Offer-Whiz 60 29th Street #110 San Francisco, California 94110 ****** What a lovely group of baby pimps. This was Cheerio's reply to this marketing company- as this 'ad' shows so clearly what adoption agencies/professionals try so hard to deny. That Adooption is NOT about the needs of a child, but about the desires of adults. "AdoptionServices@offer-whiz-mailings.com" "She's ALL Yours" THAT right there is what is wrong with adoption, they treat human beings like products or something that can be owned! She is a human being, and she has already a momma, a momma that she loves, a momma whose voice she recognizes before she is born into this world of adoption wolves! How can you sleep at night treating little human beings like boxed baby dolls with upc codes on their bottoms, and a price tag on their arm? How Can YOU? How pathetic, shameful, and greedy making money off of baby selling! Thank you for this Ad, I'm going to be sure to blog about you this week.
While this baby pimping add 'interrupts' the theme of talking about the Adoptee Rights Demonstration, at the same time, it ties into it perfectly. We need to change the laws in order to treat the adoptee as a human being. They are not a commodity that neither the adopting parents nor the original parents own rights to. It is the adoptee's birth certificate... unless you believe this whole "she's all yours" mentality, then stick to your human trafficking point of view and oppose thier basic right to their original identity.
a human being
Monday, August 9, 2010
Louisville here I come!
Waiting outside airport for hotel shuttle
It was nice and warm sitting outside waiting for the hotel shuttle to arrive. I admired what another woman was wearing. I don’t know what to call it, it wasn’t a sweater, or hoodie. It wasn’t a jacket, sweatshirt, poncho, or scarf. It was sort of like a shrug. I so wish I had taken a bunch of pictures of it so I could make one for myself – whatever it was! It was BRIGHT orange, almost like my fingernails. It draped over her shoulders and flowed down almost to the ground. In the back in only covered her neck and trapeziums, but ended about her lower back. It was like a wide scarf, which was sewn along the edges for sleeves. It had a relaxed loose fit, and was made of a lightweight material. I’ve GOT to make one for myself! But then I’d probably be too self conscious to wear it in public. Hers was made of a knit, but I’d use a lighter material, maybe muslin or something else light weight. I actually was admiring hers while thinking it would be PERFECT to wear on the day of the Demonstration to keep the sun off my arms.
My Roomie was driving up from Miami and hadn’t arrived yet. So I checked in and dragged my stuff up to the room to unpack before she got there. I picked the bed closest to the door so I could slip out for my coffee first thing in the mornings.
I used one dresser drawer and hung a few things like my “don’t go anywhere without it – puff vest”, winter hoodie, sweatshirt, and my bright orange wind breaker. (Yeah, everyone packs a winter hoodie when the weather forcast is 99 every single day!) I was done unpacking and had eaten most of the gingersnaps when I got a text message from JimM that he’d arrived. I made my way downstairs to reconnect with friends, and hoped we’d head out for some supper soon. As we were talking grub, my Roomie arrived. I helped them unload their pickup truck and then the three of us went out for dinner. End Friday. Saturday morning I woke up early and slipped downstairs for my morning coffee. I expected to bump into others from the group (which is what happened every morning in Philly). But I guess I was up too early because no one was downstairs, not even outside for a smoke. So I decided I’d have my coffee and have a good swimming workout. WeeHaa. After my swim and my 2nd shower, I went back downstairs for breakfast and there were people from our group everywhere! It was GREAT! Breakfast with the B@stards is a very memorable experience. There’s not a bunch of catty bickering, just a lot of hugs, sharing, listening, and caring. After breakfast folks were planning their days. I asked if I could join the crew headed out for our pre-march walk, to test the path of our demonstration the following day. It was a nice leisurely walk and we even had time to stop and take pictures, like this one.and this snowy one too...
...doesn't it look like snow sitting in the divits? Well! it did to me!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Message on a Stick
So, what is the goal of this demonstration? It is bring awareness to the discrimination to the 6 million Americans who cannot get their Birth Certificates like all other US citizens. The Goal is to change the laws so that an adoptee, when he/she becomes an adult, can got o their vital statistics department and fill out the exact same forms as a non-adopted person would to request a copy of their Birth Certificate, pay the same price as a non-adoptedperson, and obtain their Birth Certificate without all the delays, red tape, extra fees, hassles, etc. Equal Acces is what is being asked for – not special treatment or special privileges,
Monday, August 2, 2010
ARDemonstrations 2009 & 2010
- The first thing I learned was that society in general has no idea about this discrimination.
- This leads to the other important thing I learned, they are on the Adoptee’s side! They also feel it is wrong and believe too that adult adooptees have a right to their own original birth certificates.
Last year I was tired for our entire stay in Philadelphia. Some time after returning home we find out why I was so tired.
This year I was my usual self, chock full of energy. Although it was hot hot hot out there, I was just pumped and bursting with energy. I felt like I could run around the entire convention center a few times. I WANTED to march out on the side of the building in the full sun. I challenged a few people to a race, but no one took me up on it.
Thank you Panera Bread for the free iced water!!!
About 2pm our leaders decided to call it a day. I was proud of them to make a decision that was based out of concern for everyone’s welfare. They could have said “we planned to march until 3pm, and we have just one hour to go!” But that wasn’t the case. People were hot, tired, weary, and worn out – and they cared about that.
This is without a doubt a group of very caring, thoughtful, and loving people. I am honored to be able to stand with any one of them, to walk hand in hand or side by side (especially when some folks were very very sweaty). It truly is a beautiful experience, and I wouldn’t trade it for any exotic vacation anywhere else in the world!