About Cheerio

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In general I am a cheery and energetic person. But I am enshrouded in a cloak of iron. That cloak is the weight of greiving my son, whom I've lost to adoption.

Monday, June 29, 2009

How Long did you grieve for your child?

"How long did you grieve for your child? " In another forum, a question was posted by a woman whose child is under 6 months old. Her question is this “How long did you grieve for your child?” I’m going to confess, I did not read all the replies. There are three pages of replies. But I did read her short paragraph describing her question. Her question broke my heart. Reading her words broke my heart. Basically she described that she recently lost her child for adoption, and cries every day. She missis her daughter and wants her back. She's wondering how long others grieved, and I think she's hoping for someone to tell her that it will get better. One thing that breaks my heart is … How? How in the world can we be in this information age, and people are still so uneducated about adoption as to think that a woman ever stops grieving for her lost child? How? I don’t know if her adoption was handled by an agency or an adoption lawyer, but HOW in the world are We the Women and Men Of the United States allowing adoptions to continue on the same path of being unethical and lacking moral standards? Agencies make billions, but they are not regulated. Does this repulse anyone else? Why is no one accountable? Here is a woman who is asking about grieving. She’s lost her child less than 6 months ago. I’d be willing to be a paycheck that her counseling (but not biased at all, I’m sure) went something like “It will hurt for awhile, but will fade away.” Are you happy with that kind of disgusting misrepresentation? If you are, then you must also believe that she is not a human being as you are. Therefore she is not deserving of truth. She is merely an incubator for a more deserving couple, or someone who has more money. She doesn't have feelings, or emotions. Surely, the child is better off and safer with someone else. And I guess you’re also among the group that would say “awww, honey, but you made the right choice….” When are we going to stop labeling it as a right or wrong choice, and start to realize the key is asking - IS IT NECESSARY? If it is NOT absolutely necessary, then child should be with his/her mother. Why should a mother be psychologically damaged for the rest of their life if it is NOT absolutely necessary? Juno is not real. Women do not walk away into the sunset all happy and giddy. If you believe that, then you need to get off the adoption merry-go round, you’re dizzy from it. Look at reality! These are women and young women who mourn and grieve for their child until the gravel of the grave falls on their closed caskets. If you’d like to follow up on that forum and see the replies, here is the link. I initially wanted to talk about my own feelings. But a more personal post will follow later. For now, I’d rather just leave here. Leave it with this thought ... Does that sound like a win/win situation to you? To grieve until the dirt clods drop and echo on the casket lid?


  1. How long indeed. I remember just a few short months ago my son's amom said to me, "you are wracked with grief, you need to get over it, you need to move on." Really I should have asked her "and have you ever stopped grieving the loss of your babies that only ever existed in your hopes and dreams, not a real live child that you loved with your whole heart and soul, that you wanted more than anything in this world?" I wonder then what she would have had to say. How long did you grieve? Every single minute of every single day for what will be twenty years this coming Sunday July 5th.


  2. Sadly, your graphic says it all.

  3. I'm sorry, I would have emailed this to you but the link wasn't working for me... I wanted to ask if you know of an online adoption reunion site that has a large database. Thank you, my email is joeysmombethany@yahoo.com