About Cheerio

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In general I am a cheery and energetic person. But I am enshrouded in a cloak of iron. That cloak is the weight of greiving my son, whom I've lost to adoption.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Dec 18th, candle lighting

Tonight 8pm in my time zone,
I'll be joining the Lighting Candles World Wide...
I'm lighting three candles, two for Mammabear, whose two oldest lost sons are missing (her blog is where I originally found this link).
A third candle for my own son lost to adoption.
It is a time just to think about the importance of family.
A time to silently pray for the many families hurting by separaion;
whether that separation is by adoption, divorce, missing/abducted children, and children in foster care.
Feel free to join me? Light a candle for a child/family you know hurting this season...
*** 8:53 pm
That was extremely emotional. I am still crying. So I'm standing out on the deck, in the dark watching these three candles. And I'm begging and pleading and begging Dear God Please bring them back into our lives! Please....
I cried over my nephews like I haven't done in a very very long time.
I'm remembering the very last day I saw them. I have picture of the two of them sitting out on the new 'patio' we were building in our backyard. The oldest is smiling and holding up a soda can. The youngest one is just smiling his cute adorable little smile, curly dark hair.
My heart aches for their Mamma, for my sister. Some days I can barely live with the loss of one son - how does one go on in life missing two?
We never ever imagined 10 years would go by -without even beling allowed to at least talk on the phone.
How do you go though life not knowing what your boys look like? knowing if they okay? and having doubts about their safety and emotional health and wellbeing? how?
Before they were gone, the boys visited often. We'd often go to the river or a creek near my husband's parents house. One of those times we took the oldest boy fishing.
I have a picture of him with his first fish! - that boy is gone In that picture I was pregnant with my only child, my son. That boy is gone.
A beautfully marred picture.
ooooh, just to be able to go back in time....................

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