About Cheerio

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In general I am a cheery and energetic person. But I am enshrouded in a cloak of iron. That cloak is the weight of greiving my son, whom I've lost to adoption.

Saturday, September 17, 2016


My Poor Truck!
Yup!  It is definitely stuck!

My blog has been silent for more than a year and a half.  I have been thinking of writing more posts, but just didn't know where to start.
 Today,  9/17/2016, these pictures showed up on my FB Memories ... so now is the time.

Seven years ago we were building a retaining wall behind and alongside our house.  During one of my trips of  unloading crushed stone into a wheelbarrow to dump at the side of the house, where it was too narrow for a truck, this happened.  

When this picture popped up, I quickly remembered those days, the feelings, my thoughts. 

While moving stone, I was angry.  
I was pushing and driving my body very hard 
- telling myself it didn't matter how much I hurt, 
I was going to get this done!  
-telling myself "I" didn't matter... 
what good am I anyway?  

I felt like such a complete and total loser! 
 I already lost my son to adoption so many years earlier.  
 I failed my husband by not being able to make him a daddy.

In a phone conversation, my oldest sister pointed out that I was just punishing myself for the miscarriage, and it was both unnecessary and unhealthy.  I don't remember if I took her advice and worked at a less frenzied pace, but I did get all the stone moved.

- - - - -
I don't have an outline or planned posts or themes for blogging again.
It will just be whatever is happening at the time.
I will gradually work on overhauling the links to other sources/resources.


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