About Cheerio

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In general I am a cheery and energetic person. But I am enshrouded in a cloak of iron. That cloak is the weight of greiving my son, whom I've lost to adoption.

Friday, April 17, 2009

cheerio sticks her neck out

Time and time and time again, I've described myself as "in the closet" first mom. I hide behind my computer screen. And it is here where I feel safe enough to open some of the windows to my soul. Very few people in real life know that I have a child. So far my son has been my only child. Only people who are close to me know about him, and only people I feel I can trust. There have been a few I told about him, and then wish I had kept my mouth shut! Like the lady who insists on spewing the despicable adoption rhetoric that caused me to lose my child. Lady - I was NOT brave!!! I was freaking terrified out of my mind. I was afraid. Someone who doesn't even try because they are afraid? That does not make them 'brave'. NO! It makes them a yellow bellied sap sucker (aka: chicken)! She's known me for what? a year or so, and all of a sudden she thinks she knows what I was thinking and feeling 15 years ago? Who does she think she is? God knows, and I can guarantee He'd be on my side correcting this woman - "No," He'd say in His deep booming voice, "No, Lady. Cheerio was not brave, she was a coward. I gave her a beautiful perfect little boy, and she gave him away. There is no bravery in that." But so far God hasn't tapped this lady to silence her. Instead she tells me (literally) "I don't care what you think," [now, this is AFTER I've told her that her words are hurtful] "I still think you're brave." Do people say this stupid stuff to a woman living with domestic voilence? Do they say you were brave to marry him, even though he is abusive? Do they tell her that she did the right thing? I sure hope not! Ya know, she's so bent on sticking to her own opinion that I doubt she'd even listen to God Himself, even if He were to speak in an audible voice. Alas, the gibberish and hurtful words from those who are not affected by adoption. That is partly why I hide here. It doesn't take long to learn who is going to be sensitive, and who isn't. Then I can pick and choose who to interact with. But then I heard a knock on that closet door. An adoptee invited me to the Adoptee Rights Demonstration in Philly this July. It seems the closet door has cracked open a bit. Cheerio is still hiding inside, but she is at least peering through the crack. As the date for the demonstration draws closer, I am nervous. But I want to do this to fight for the rights of adoptees. I especially want to stand and be counted - to oppose the lie from the adoption professionals that first moms want to stay a secret. THEY want us to stay a secret. THEY want us to live in shame and stay hidden. I can't let them continue winning, spewing their lies unchallenged. I have so many adoptee friends on my Cheerio facebook account, it's very cool! But then there's the facebook account with my 'real' name, which is totally separate. Nothing to do with adoption is listed or linked there. Until - - until this week. At the Easter Egg Hunt last week a lady said she sent me a friend invite. She said she saw me listed as a friend to someone else. It surprised me. I didn't have him as my friend. I had not been on that account for weeks. Curiosity got the best of me, and so early this week, I signed on. I found 17 friend invites - mostly from people at my church! I have not accepted any of them as friends yet. First I wanted to update my profile page. I've added a link to the video below "Are you my mommy?" And I've added a link to the Adoptee Rights Demonstration blog. This weekend I'll accept all those other friend invites. And from day #1, they will see a glimpse of (ironically enough) the 'real' me - and they will know about Adoptee Rights. Cheerio stuck her neck out. We'll see if her head gets lopped off for it? closet hiding shame guilt fear


  1. The first step is always the hardest!

    I know it sounds cliche, but I am so proud of you. And I know how huge it was for you to do what you did. Everything counts and everything we do, big or small, makes a difference someway, somehow.

    And even if you believe you are in that closet, you sure as heck aren't being silent on the other side. Your voice is still heard even when your face isn't seen.

    And I, for one, am so happy to call you a friend!

  2. NOW you are being BRAVE. I too am proud of you. Claim the word back, you know it does not apply to what happened 15 years ago. But apply it to yourself from this day forward, for what you are willing to do now. Cheerio is BRAVE. It is your word,not hers claim it back and live it.


  3. Denise is right, this is REAL bravery!

  4. WTG I also recently accepted a friend who found me from an adoption page. I thought now what , many of my facebook friends don't know , then I thought I have to stop running away. You ARE Brave.