Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Who sufferes more? BirthMom from closed adoption? Birth Mom in open adoption? or the Adoptee?
What is the point of these questions?
Pain is Pain, and it hurts.
the difficulty of their situation
does NOT erase
nor does it even EASE
the pain I deal with personally.
So, why, just why do we do this?
Why do we feel the need to have a screaming match of
“MY PAIN HURTS MORE THAN YOURS!”?
Don’t we see what that does?
Having those screaming matches,
boils down to talking over someone else.
It is drowning them out so their voice cannot be heard.
It is standing on the person we’ve just trampled.
Why? Really – why do we feel this is okay?
Why do we feel the need to push others away and
create fictitious distinctions of
What do you want?
Are you looking for pity?
Or does it just make you feel better about yourself
because you can put others down?
I personally think it is ridiculous,
What I think we all want
– and what we all deserve
A C K N O W L E D G E M E N T.
I don’t have to experience exactly the same situation
as another person
to acknowledge that they hurt.
In order for that acknowledgement to be sincere,
or dismiss it
to anyone else’s hurt
-–not even my own.
A mother who was tied down and/or drugged
so her baby could be taken and adopted out, that hurt her.
Can’t we simply acknowledge that it happened to her
(and many others)
WITHOUT dismissing it with the ending words of,
“BUT…. most mothers do have a choice.”
Why judge and compare them?
It does no good.
Mothers with a closed adoption hurt,
just like mothers with open adoption hurt.
Whether the adoption was
closed, or open,
the adoptee hurts too.
If you want your experience to be acknowledged,
then seriously consider
Are you acknowledging the experience of others
Judging who has more pain is
merely skewering others in the back,
and walking callously away.
That’s what the adoption agencies and adoption professionals do.