About Cheerio

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In general I am a cheery and energetic person. But I am enshrouded in a cloak of iron. That cloak is the weight of greiving my son, whom I've lost to adoption.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I feel trapped...

The majority of people in my day to day life - they have absolutely NO IDEA whatsoever WHO I really am.

As I am working my way out of the bondage of secrecy, I still find myself trapped.

I take the risk of exposing not a mere fact of my history, no it is exposing an extremely intimate part of the core of my being. When I have an adoption-type conversation with another person, it's as if, well, I opened up, and I have stopped hiding but that still does not make me feel like I can talk about 'it'.

I still feel trapped.

Two more people in my life this week know about the real me, but that conversation is done and over in their mind.

But I'm still hurting on the inside ...
trapped