"suffer" and "punishment"

Even if it's not on the front burner, the "A" word is always at the very least simmering on the back burner of my mind. I can't recall what sparked these thoughts. But today while at work, I was thinking about some of the 'adoption counseling' while I was carrying my son. The phrase that just kept rolling over and over in my mind was, "You made a mistake. Why should you have to suffer or be punished for the rest of your life for that one mistake. The rest of your life, that's an unreasonable time to be punished for one mistake." All day long I kept thinking about that "suffer" and "punishment".

They kept planting in my mind that there is nothing good about parenting. Not knowing any better (was not around babies at all growing up) I just accepted this perspective. Looking back, it's now apparent to me that not one time in any of those 'counseling sessions' (brainwashing sessions) did they talk about the joys of parenting. Not one time. Parenting, the subject did not come up at all, other than it being described as punishment or suffering. Nothing good or positive at all about parenting. For people who say that there are no 'coercion' tactics... do you think

it was a mere oversight? Not a chance! It was a well thought out and

perfectly manipulative conversation. Oh, and of course this was a "christian" adoption agency. They're amazing at perverting true religion. The sick and twisted irony of it is this ... I 'thought' at that time that the mistake was getting pregnant. No! The mistake was letting him go for adoption. And that mistake has brought to me and my family indescribable suffering and punishment. Nope - not at all the picture you'll see from those sweet little Hallmark Stories on TV. That's not what they show with their absurdly fairy-tale ending of Juno. Once the denial is gone and the grieving hits- there is no walking away into the sunset. It's more like walking from the shallow to the deep end of the pool with ankle weights on. "Suffer" and "Punishment" = Parenting. Just another one of their mind-playing tactics of eroding the natural mother/child bond.

the natural mother/child bond