About Cheerio

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In general I am a cheery and energetic person. But I am enshrouded in a cloak of iron. That cloak is the weight of greiving my son, whom I've lost to adoption.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I feel trapped...

The majority of people in my day to day life - they have absolutely NO IDEA whatsoever WHO I really am.

As I am working my way out of the bondage of secrecy, I still find myself trapped.

I take the risk of exposing not a mere fact of my history, no it is exposing an extremely intimate part of the core of my being. When I have an adoption-type conversation with another person, it's as if, well, I opened up, and I have stopped hiding but that still does not make me feel like I can talk about 'it'.

I still feel trapped.

Two more people in my life this week know about the real me, but that conversation is done and over in their mind.

But I'm still hurting on the inside ...
trapped

5 comments:

  1. I am thinking of you Cheerio (((hugs))

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  2. Ahh Cheerio.....hugs, hugs, hugs. Your suffering of not seeing him will be over soon. This isn't forever even though it feels like it. I wish you could find a Natural Parents support group-not with some psychologist calling the shots, but just a group of women who feel as you do. Maybe you could start one by placing an ad in the paper. This is a heavy issue and it needs to be disscussed. Losing your child is one of the worst things in the world. Alot of people suffer in silence too like you do, even parents who have kept their kids but had a falling out with them. Loss comes in many forms. You know I love you. I do. I am wishing you strength.
    (I'm sorry too I never wrote you back, I've been busy/tired and sick of the internet. I will write soon). xx's

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  3. (((Cheerio)))

    I adore you. You have listened and helped me in a thousand ways, and I will always have your back.

    Adoption wounds so deeply. It's an incredibly hard thing to talk about because we are horribly vulnerable when we do open up. It is like a trap. It's awful.

    I am so very glad that we have our community in which it is safe to speak openly about all of this.

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  4. Dearest Improper... Thank you, thank you so much for your ongoing love and kindness. I've had ideas of starting a support group. I have, at times been frustrated too because I know there are other moms in my area, but getting together w/ them just doesn't work out.
    I've found it is hard having other moms as friends, because they tend to disappear when they are struggling.
    I will send you an e-mail soon!

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  5. Dear Ms Marginalia
    Thank you for stopping by, and for offering support! I zipped over to your log to see if I would recognize you by another name, but I failed.
    My greatest aim in life is to listen and in some small way be a help to others.
    How very true "adoption wounds so deeply," which does make a person feel incredibly vunerable talking about it.
    I too am glad to have on-line communities to be free and empowered!!!

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